Tanayisms

I named my son as Tanay. Tanay means "the one who belongs to the family", it also means a good son! I had this name in mind since the time I got to know that I am going to become a mother. This name caught my attention, how and why, can't remember exactly now. But I had decided if it is a boy, I will name him Tanay and if it is a girl, I name her Ananya. Both names are unique and meaningful.

Now that Tanay has entered our lives with a bang, he has captured all our attention and time. My parents won't keep him out of sight for a minute and will always take him in their arms and talk to him. They won't let him cry for a minute. I am little strict when it comes to his crying. I know it is natural for him to cry and it is his way of shedding some energy and then getting a good feed. I do not panic a lot when he cries. It is either because he is hungry or sleepy or has passed urine. Over a month and a half I can now make out the reason of his crying.

Now that we all have adjusted to each other well, when I talk to him, he makes his eyes big and listens to what I say. As if he understands everything. I am sure he does, but can't express himself right now. He loves listening us talk. Then anything and everything under the sun is ok for him to listen to. I give him all the updates in the day and he listens it with great interest with an intriguing look in his eyes. I have to sing him his favorite song when he gets cranky in the evening. That song was sung for Tanay's dad by his grandmother and then Tanay's grandmother means my mother-in-law sang it for Tanay. I also learnt it from her and now I sing it for him regularly. It is a song of his praises, how good he is and how obedient he is. I add all the things, which are unique to Tanay and make it long and interesting. If he is crying or irritated, he stops that very moment when I begin to sing his “praises”. He likes listening to music a lot. He especially likes the album of children songs “Chocolate cha bangla” and instrumental music. When I was pregnant, I listened to lot of music and that might be the reason that he is also interested in music.

He hates it when it is time for his massage and bath. Rehana, the maalishwaali, comes in the morning and the moment he is in her hands, he brings the whole house down with his incessant cries. His skin is very soft and sensitive. He becomes red all over when he sobs constantly. Other people in the building might have an impression that something is seriously wrong with the baby and the baby is ill or something. But by now, we know it is because he hates exercising and water. The moment he is out of the bathroom in my mom’s arms for getting ready, he is quiet, as if the baby who was crying all this while was not him at all. It is past one month now, but still he doesn't seem to enjoy a bit of the morning ritual. Rehana feels bad because he cries and doesn’t enjoy her otherwise relaxing massage and bath. Most babies outgrow it within a month she said, but my boy seems to be an exception.

His pattern of sleep is set to a great extent. He sleeps by 8:30-9 pm and then gets up twice at night, when he is hungry. He doesn't usually cry, but tries to wait and see if me or my mom get up and feed him without crying. I usually check on him after 2-3 hours and sense his discomfort immediately. I am a light sleeper. I can't sleep with lights and noise around and now with my Tanay around, I hardly have a deep sleep at night. Most peculiar thing of my boy is the different sounds he makes when he is asleep. My mom tells me most of the babies do, but when I inquired with my neighbors who have a baby boy and baby girl respectively, they negated saying their babies sleep peacefully without making any sounds. If he is asleep and there is a slight sound around him, he makes a peculiar sound, “eh eh”, as if he wants to tell others, hello, I am aware of what is happening around him.  But on the other hand he seems unperturbed by the sounds of aeroplane and thunder. In his dreams, he sees someone or something and cries "eeee" loudly, sometimes he leaves a deep breath as if he is talking to someone and that someone is useless and is not able to understand what Tanay is trying to say. Sometimes he laughs so loudly that it is heartening to see his toothless and innocent smile. Rapid Eye Movements is a common thing in babies and it helps their brain development it seems. I feel amused when I see Tanay with his eyes half closed and his mouth muttering something. I am really eager to know what exactly happens inside their brains and how it develops. Science has given us insights into so many things, but still what exactly happens during the developing stages in the babies brains is still a mystery.

His hands and legs move constantly when he is awake. He puts his own fingers in his eyes and then when it hurts, he cries in pain. This is something we can't help; it is a part of his growing up and realizing his body organs. He gets tired in the evening and then I massage his legs, change his clothes, put powder on his body and oil on his head. He smells so good!!! In the evening, it is a ritual in my house to listen to the “Vishnusahasranaama” and then chant the “Ramraksha” and “Maruti stotra”. I have been doing this since I conceived and Tanay might be well aware of it. Evening times, he gets little cranky, which most of the babies do. Now that he is one and a half months old, I plan to take him out for a little walk in the evening, before sunset. Let’s see when that is feasible for me.

I am sure, everybody who reads this and who has a baby at home and has brought him/her up will find lot of things familiar with what Tanay is doing right now. Isn’t it fun to watch our own baby grow with leaps and bounds? I saw him as a tiny dot in the 6th week of pregnancy and now he is in my hands, in flesh and blood and already 6 weeks old.  His grandparents dote on him a lot and he is lucky to have 3 great grandmothers! His father is away and missing all the initial fun, but then his dad will soon be with us.

Bringing Tanay up will be more fun with his dad being by my side!

Amen!

Hours in darkness

It has been close to 10 months now that we shifted to our own house.

My apartment has all the modern amenities like generator backup, swimming pool, club house, gymnasium and yes most important is that we have water for 24 hrs. It is like most of the modern home projects nowadays.

But suddenly on last Saturday, there was a deluge of rain in Bangalore and the electric supply went off. We were not bothered much as the generator starts in a minute or two and then the lights are on again. Only thing is that equipments like fridge, washing machine, microwave, geyser do not work. But that it is fine as long as there is light in the evening time.

To our dismay, we realized that the generator for our B block did not start as expected and that it has gone kaputt. Trials of starting it went in vain and for almost 3 hrs, we were in darkness with no light and no water. Yes, no water either cos the boring water was not pumped in the water storage tanks as there was no electricity.

With my 1 month old baby and my parents, I sat in the darkness and wondered how times have changed. I was fuming because the generator was not working and there was darkness everywhere and it was just going to be for some hours. How did my grandmother and her mother work in darkness without any complaints? How did people survive and enjoy life with no modern gadgets? There were no fans in my great grandmother's village till I was in 6th standard, but still life went on, quite smoothly.

Has the tolerance level of my generation has dipped big time? We have become so much dependent on the gadgets and technology that a minute away from them seems like eternity. Instead of enjoying the cool winds and rains that day, I was worried when will the electric supply be restored? I was more worried about my baby boy Tanay. I didn't want him to be in discomfort because of mosquitoes and other stuff.

Finally the electric supply was restored after 3 hours and yes, we are still waiting for the generator of our block to be repaired. As soon as it is 4 pm here, the atmosphere starts building up for the rains. So we keep candles handy and also store water in the bathroom like good old times.

My bundle of joy

The months of March and April have been truly a roller coaster ride.

I couldn't write much in these 2 months.

Reason..

I was eagerly waiting for my bundle of joy.. Contemplating, whether it is going to be a girl or a boy and how will the baby look and things like that.

My baby arrived in my hands on 7th April, 3-4 days before the due date. Due to some complications, I had to be operated and the chances of normal delivery dwindled all together. Nevertheless, the baby was safe and sound and was doing well. Doctors found him cool, just like his dad, I said!

On his arrival at home, after 4 days, whole house was revolving around him. It took me time to realize that finally the wait is over and that I have finally become a mother. As I was operated, I couldn't take care of my baby in a full fledged manner. I had lot of restrictions on diet and my movements were also restricted a lot. My mom in law took the entire responsibility on her shoulders and showed me how to take care of small small things of this little one. My parents were always by my side in all this initial stage of the baby's arrival. We all got used to him and most important was he settled quickly with us as if he was meant to be here with us, all the time!

I am still learning, evolving as a new mother. He is my teacher, he smiles and laughs just like that, cries like this world is going to sink now. He hates massage and bath, loves to listen us talk and sing to him.

I will write more about him in the coming posts. He has just turned 1 month old and I am sure there are lot of things to come in future.

Growing brand consciousness among small kids

The other day, my friend from Accenture, Shilpashree and I were talking about her son, Shamith, who is just 2.5 yrs old. He has his own choices when it comes to wearing clothes and he always picks up matching shoes. He knows what looks good and what not. I was amazed and went back to my childhood. How dumb I was when I was a 2-3 yr old kid? Whatever parents got for me, I wore it without even understanding what choices and color combinations are!

But today's generation is too fast! Today's kids are 1000 times smarter than what we were and they have their own identities right from their birth. They treat themselves as individuals right from the time they start understanding. They want their own little things and they make their own decisions when it comes to what to wear, what to eat, where to go out etc.

My little neighbor, Aarohi, also 2.5 yrs old likes to wear different accessories on different days. One day she likes bangles, the other day she likes to wear bands, one day she ties her hair and on another day wants them to be let free. She has a set of toys and books which she plays with and knows their names by heart. She is extremely smart and matured for her age. I wonder from where does all this come to her?

Children of this generation already know what they want when they go out with their parents. They have their own ideas when they go to shopping malls. They have their shopping list ready! For them, going to McDonalds or Pizza Hut is a great celebration. Clothes and accessories have grown in abundance in past few years even for toddlers and the children are well aware of all the latest fashions and trends and they want good and fashionable stuff for themselves. They want to be well presented to their friends. They do not compromise for anything lesser. If there are 2 kids in a house, as in if there are siblings in the house, each one of them has a different set of clothes and toys and books. Somehow the sharing and that sibling rivalry has vanished with the new age. Is it because the parents are not able to spend quality time with their kids owing to their hectic work schedules, the best bargain they can make is by providing everything to the kids, no matter whether those things are really useful or required for the kids? No doubt all parents want the best for their kids, but their presence and spending quality time with the kids cannot be replaced with materialistic things.

Advertisements on TV make the kids more conscious about what is going on in the world. There are 100 of energy drinks, health drinks, toy shops, play schools that have come up and children know what they want and how to get them from their parents. Aarohi drinks Pediasure (For kids) and she knows it's name and loves it's taste. Exposing kids to media surely makes them intelligent and choosy, but at the same time, they want to have everything that is shown on the TV, which is not always necessarily good for them.

This growing brand consciousness amongst the kids is surely going to pinch their parents pockets and in return, the innocence and the naive nature of kids is somewhere getting lost nowadays. I often jokingly tell Atul, if our baby is brand conscious just like his/her dad, then he better be prepared to shell out extra money on every small thing. Atul is extremely choosy when it comes to shopping. He likes Louis Phillipe and Peter England clothes only. He will buy shoes only from Woodland or if not, from Bata only. When it comes to me, I am miles away from keeping myself abreast with the latest fashion and I will not be surprised if people around think and call me behenji. I rather prefer simple and comfortable things, not very trendy and branded. So, you see we are poles apart when it comes to brand consciousness.

But overall looking at the trend, it is really a tough exercise to strike a balance when it comes to bringing up a kid with the right amount of values and discipline. The right values, qualities, morales have to be no doubt instilled in them, but then how to realize what is good and what is bad for them in that particular time and context?

But, I am sure, all this comes with time.

When a child is born, also his/her parents are born aren't they?

What is the fuss about?

Today is International Women's day.

I am flooded with mails and messages wishing me about the same. I respect the sentiments of people who have done it. But then isn't it a borrowed concept from the West? Why can't we follow other good things from West like meticulous planning, dedication to work, cleanliness, encouraging women leaders and managers?

I am not in favor of any such day celebrations. Especially, in a country like India, I think we all are hypocrites. We worship women as goddess, but at the same time the rape on women and the female infanticide and feticide rates are the highest here. Literacy rates for women in India show such a poor picture of how much importance is given to her education.

This is an average and typical scenario in India:

If a woman remains unmarried and wants to create a niche for her, she is looked with suspect and her potentials of being a virtuous woman are questioned. The ultimate aim which a woman can achieve here is getting a "good husband" and having kids. If a woman is more educated then her husband or partner and earns more than him, then it is not tolerated. No matter what, she has to devote time to kitchen and family. Why is the same rule not applicable to men if men and women are considered equal in today's world? Why is it that the upbringing of children and giving them a good direction in life is considered to be only a mother's responsibility? Doesn't the father have any role to play after helping the women bring the child in this world? Changing nappies, feeding the baby, taking him/her around, being concerned about the school homework, who is in charge of all this? Men are the earning members, so they have to be out of the house for 12 hours, but a woman, even if she is working, has to see all this. Why? When will this change?

The companies in India are celebrating today's International Women's day by giving gifts, lunch parties, arranging lectures etc. But then does a woman really need all these superfluous things? Rather she would be happy if she gets flexible working hours, gets help to put her kids in a creche which is near to the working place. It would really help her if she is able to spend more time with her new born rather than giving in to the pressure from the work place to join back in 3 months time. How many companies have really come up with these thoughts and consideration for their women employees? Hardly a few.

The women politicians in India, though they are really good are subdued by the male counterparts. Mayawati did a good job in UP, but then she lost the elections. Kiran Bedi changed the picture of Tihar jail, but then how long could she continue? Sonia Gandhi, though not Indian by origin, went to become the President of Indian National Congress, but then when she was in the race for prime minister, she was greeted with brickbats. She opted out and gave the chance to someone else. Where are our female athletes like P. T. Usha, Anjali Bhagwat today who made a name in the athletics and shooting sport respectively? Does anyone even remember them now? On the brighter side, we have our President, Ms. Pratibha Patil, who is the first woman to hold this position. There are many women leaders in the industry today like Kiran Mazumdar Shaw who is Chairman & Managing Director of Biocon Limited a biotechnology company based in Bangalore. Chanda Kochar is currently the Managing Director (MD) of ICICI Bank and Chief Executive Officer (CEO). Companies like HP, Pepsi and banks like ICICI have shown that they treat women equally and have put them at the top by giving them an equal opportunity.

I so wish that the picture of disparity between the men and women changes for good. But then it has to be an equal effort from everybody. People need to respect women and treat her with dignity and help her spread her wings in fields where she can prove she is no less. Army, Navy and Armed forces are now employing women too, but then the figures are not very encouraging there. She is an ocean of love and emotions, but intelligence and management are also not unknown to her or unexplored by her. It is just that she choses to take the back seat.


I will celebrate Women’s day when women achieve the highest literacy rate in all states of India and when the female infanticide and feticide vanishes from the Indian society completely!

P.S: Special thanks to my best friend, Aabha Karmarkar who gave me an impetus to express this.

Out of touch

I went to office after a long time yesterday and it felt so different.

I was working from home for a few days as I did not want to stress myself travelling in peak hours and sitting alone in office for 6-7 hours without any company is so boring. I was relatively free to take rest whenever I needed it at home and also work as and when I could.

I had to submit medical bills and collect Sodexho meal passes from the office. I also wanted to meet my ex-colleague, Shilpashree, who was my first contact in Accenture, when I joined her team as a German translator. She was coming to my office for a training and we were meeting almost after 3 years. So, looking at all these factors, it was worth going to office.

As my dad drove me to the office in the car, I suddenly felt strange. Throngs of people were rushing to their work place, kids were going to school, there were so many vehicles on the road and it was just 7:45 am. It was only me who was travelling after a long gap and I suddenly felt that it was just a matter of 2-3 weeks, that I was working from home and I feel so out of place now. Maddening rush, traffic and chaos, which was a part of my life too suddenly made me nervous. Do we get used to good comfortable things so much that going back to the routine feels little difficult? Has the home atmosphere, the presence of my mother-in-law and father at home, relaxing mood, spending good time with my baby, who is due next month made me so laid-back?

From next month, I will be on Maternity Leave and then I will be out of touch of everything that is happening outside my home, in my office, in the world. Not that I am complaining! I will have my hands full with the baby and I am sure she will be keeping us on our toes. Contact with the outside world will cease. Daily habit of reading newspapers, watching favorite serials, going for leisure walks, chatting with friends will stop for a few months at least. I am sure the arrival of baby will give me 10 other topics to write on, but when I will really get time to put them on paper, is a different thing.

My career may receive a set-back, it is definitely going to be a big gap in my career spanning 10 years, but then it is worth it, isn’t it? I have been waiting for motherhood from a long time and finally God decided to bless me with it. Otherwise, I love working, I worship my work. I do not remember having taken a break for more than a month in these 10 years. I had gone to Germany in November 2010, when Atul was there, but I had come back in a month as I didn’t want to cause inconvenience to my project and company by my long absence. I will definitely like to continue working and earn after the baby arrives, but then I think, it will take a little more time, before I resume. I wouldn’t want to put a 6 month old baby in crèche. I want to catch up with every little development in my child.

All this while, I was out of the league of mothers, who talked about their kids, their eating habits, toilet training, playschool, school admissions etc. I was the odd man out, no sorry odd woman out and felt why they don’t have anything else to talk. I now know why they do not have anything else to talk. Kids fill their entire routines, their entire lives. I will soon be joining them to explore an entirely new, different, exciting world, the “baby world”, the kids world!

How time changes our priorities! 

Oh this line could be an impetus for my next write-up.

J

The benefits of e-groups

I am in my last trimester and preparing for the arrival of the baby.

I was looking out for a middle-aged woman, who would massage the new born, bathe him/her and also help me with the post-pregnancy activities like giving massage, giving medicinal steam using charcoal etc. Being in Bangalore, I was finding it extremely difficult to find such a lady who would be able to understand what I wanted and also understand in return what she was trying to communicate. Language barrier poses problem when it comes to such personal things. In the mall culture, language hardly proves to be a barrier, because one speaks English there. But these rare and personalized services generally are provided by women who can talk only in their mother-tongue, e.g. Kannada, Tamil, Telugu, which are like Latin and French to me.

So I posted a message on the marathi speaking e-groups in Bangalore asking availability of such women in the nearby areas. I am sure most of you know what an e-group is. It is a community of people who are connected to each other via internet. The group may be based on language, interest, hobbies, city etc. Yahoo, google provide the option of creating such communities of like-minded people and then the exchange of information becomes much easier. Meeting physically is always not possible for everybody, but today everybody uses internet and so staying connected through this medium has become easy. So when I posted my query on the e-groups, inquiring about such a woman, I got many positive responses and got 2-3 references of such women and one of the members, Mr. Pranav Gadre, went out of his way to go personally to such shops which provide materials for the medicinal steam and got their details and sent them to me on mail. I haven't met this person, I do not know him personally. But just because he was also a member of the group where I had posted this message, he helped me out with information. I do not know how to thank him. But this is just one instance of such help, which I got from the e-groups.

Being away from the family and friends made me feel lonely when I came in 2005 to Bangalore. But then I got to know so many marathi friends here, thanks to the e-groups in Bangalore. Mr. Anand Gogate, helped me a lot to get acquainted with this city. He came and met me personally when I came here. I know him from an e-group, which is very much active in Maharashtra. It is a group of the Chitpavan Brahmins, who are spread all over the world and are connected through this group. So anytime a person of this group visits or travels to other state or country, this group helps to find people and help in the new state or the distant country. Be it about jobs, about houses on rent or sale or inquiry about schools, libraries, constructive community work, this group does it all. Interestingly, there was not only a give and take of information, help etc. on this forum, but even cupid played his role here. Alliances took place between the members of this group. Atul and me are a classical example of it. We met in this group and finally decided to spend our lives together. My close friends, Meenal Phatak, Seema Kunte met their future husbands in this group itself.

I got my cook through the e-groups in Bangalore, also all the houses, in which I stayed on rent in Bangalore, through some or the other person in these groups. We have never met each other, but then I believe that god sends help in some form or the other. Atul and me have been very active in helping people get jobs. Doing referrals is one of our favorite activities. It helps other people to find a position which suits their calibre and expectations. So the help which I have got some time from some unknown person is returned in some form or the other to some different person. This cycle continues and I believe it keeps the humane spirit alive in us!

Availing help by just clicking a button has become so easy these days. My friends from office joke saying that my antennas are always active and wherever I find some marathi speaking person, my antennas start sending signals and I happen to strike a contact with them. My gyanecologist in Bangalore is a Maharashtrian, I have found marathi speaking friends in my society now. All thanks to the e-groups. But sometimes, I feel, am I restricting myself by finding only marathi people here in Bangalore. Virtual meeting is preferred by people today than going to meet personally and bonding over tea and talk. But one also has to admit that there is a sense of belongingness and comfort with the people who share the same communication language, isn't it?  I have non-marathi friends too and help comes from them also many times.

After all staying connected and being of some help to the community, though virtually, is important, isn't it?

You live only once

Madhuri was so excited that day over breakfast.

"My leave for the long w/e in January is finally approved and I am going to Coorg with my husband and his friends".

I was happy to know that because from the past 1 week she was speculating if she is going to get leave or not, whether she is going to enjoy the long w/e of 4 days! Madhuri was my new breakfast mate. She worked in the same team as my best friend, Tina. Tina left the company, but she introduced me to Madhuri and then when Madhuri moved to my office from another branch of our company, we started going together for breakfast and tea etc. We started chatting about various things on the Office Communicator. She previously worked in the same company where I worked before joining the present company. So most of our talks were how good that company was and how different this company is!

She had recently got married after a courtship of 5 years with her boyfriend. They were a cool couple and they both worked in different shifts. He worked in night shifts and she in the day shift. So the only quality time they really got to spend with each other was on w/e. And they seemed quite ok with it. I can't imagine meeting Atul only on w/e. I would have not got married in the first place if we were not going to be with each other. But this couple seemed to be enjoying their "personal space" with no qualms. How different have the ideas of spending married life together become over the time! It leaves me awestruck, But yeah, it is a personal choice and as long as an individual is happy with what he/she is doing, it must be good for them, I suppose.

So I wished her lots of fun and enjoyment for the long w/e. I was not going anywhere for those 4 days. I am kind of stranded now from the time my third trimester has started. But then rest is necessary for me, so I can't complain. Most of the public in the city was out and the roads were empty for those 4 days. I chilled at home, watched movies, slept and was ready to go to office on Monday.

I waited for Madhuri to come for breakfast in the morning on Monday, but she didn't turn up. I thought she must have been tired from the trip and so she might come late. I inquired with her other team mates, but they didn't have any news. That day, I was having a very wierd feeling after talking to her team mates. They were hiding something from me, I thought. But then I got busy in work and then suddenly Tina called me.

Tina sounded very serious. I thought something must have happened at her home. We are very close and we discuss a lot of things, personal and professional! But then she said, it is about Madhuri and that I should take it very slowly without getting tensed. I was getting impatient and she finally told me that Madhuri's husband met with an accident in Coorg and that he is no more. It hit me immensely. I didn't know what to say and how to react. Madhuri was so happy on Wednesday, we talked that day about the plans and fun she was going to have there and how come this tragedy struck her there? It seemed as if death dragged her husband to Coorg to take him away from Madhuri.

That whole day I was restless, it set me into thinking. How unpredictable are our lives! We take our partners, our friends, our family members for granted and then suddenly something like this happens which compels us to re-think about our behavior and attitude towards our near and dear ones. I can't even imagine what Madhuri must be going through at this time. She had lost her love of life with whom she was planning to start a family soon. She was the only child to her parents. Her dreams were shattered and so were her parent's dreams! How can they bear their daughter's loss at this age? God give Madhuri and her family and her in-laws strength to cope up with this irreplacable loss!

People, sorry to have deviated from the cheerful mode of my earlier posts, but I needed to pen this down somewhere. To tell my friends and family, near and dear ones that do not lose a single day fretting, fuming, getting angry on each other, love and spread love, stay connected with each other. We have only one chance of a lifetime given by that Almighty. It is in our hands to make the best of it or to make the worse of it. Appreciate small things around you, admire nature, accept people as they are and be connected with your inner self.

We get to live only once!

Make the most of it!

Garbhasanskar

When I was in Mumbai last year in September, I happened to go to a wonderful workshop on the insistence of my mother. She is well aware of all the important things happening around and wants me to get the best of everything. That workshop was organized by "The Manashakti Kendra", Lonavala. They conduct numerous courses related to personality development, mind development. Many people work there as volunteers who have devoted their lives just to make the life of other people better. You can check out their website here: http://www.manashakti.org/

My mom got to know that they also do workshops for the pregnant women to help them cope up better with their pregnancy and also help in giving birth to a baby, who is strong, sound in health and mind. They believe that the generation which is due to come to this world has to be very refined with good morales, culture and values and educating them can start right from the time they are in the mother's womb. I found this concept very interesting and it is actually not very novel to our Hindu culture. It is said that Arjun's son, Abhimanyu learnt the art of breaking the "chakravyu" in his mother's womb. There is other evidences too where Jijabai narrated stories of valor and strength to Shivaji while he was in womb and the rest is history. We all know him for his extraordinary determination and wonderful qualities as a king. He was responsible for establishing "Swarajya" and a hindu community.

Let me explain you the meaning of the word Garbhasanskar to you. It is a sanskrit term and it literally means 'education in the womb'. Garbha can be understood as the foetus and sanskar is the ritual of purifying. Every soul who comes to this earth has both good and bad qualities. So in a way it is tried to strengthen the good qualities and reduce the bad ones so that the soul leads a satisfying life later.

I went with my mom to that workshop which was for 1 whole day. Atul, being away, for work couldn't attend it and the organisers there wanted someone to accompany the expectant mother, so my mom readily obliged. It was a wonderful experience and it made me connect to my baby whom I hadn't seen yet. First and foremost we were told that the baby who is going to come into our life and family has chosen us to be his/her set of parents because the soul thinks that we would be able to give him/her a better life. So when the baby is here, treat her/him as an individual and not someone who has come to fulfill your unfulfilled wishes and desires. They have a set of desires of their own and they will take birth to fulfill those wishes. They also stated further that everything I do or think has a direct effect on the baby inside. If I am sad, she also gets sad, if I am happy, she is happy. So the bonding begins from the time, she conceives in me. Oh, what a feeling it was! The orators there made us realize the importance of having good food, having good habits, good thoughts and also suggested that we invest time for our babies till their arrival.

There they made us listen to the prayers of the person who established the Manashakti Kendra. Swami Vigyananand addressed to the babies and welcomed them and gave them instructions how to behave and what to do in the life which they are going to see soon. Then the organizers gave us different options to carry out our day where we can engage ourselves with the baby. Talking to the baby helps a lot as they recognize voices right from the time they begin to hear. They showed us clips where a new born baby who was just 2-3 days old listened carefully to the chanting of Aum by his father and got quiet while he was crying. It seems that the father was chanting it everyday when the baby was yet to be born. It really looked like a miracle. People often say, small babies do not understand anything, but this baby was hardly a few days old and he proved that he understood the sound and voice which he heard regulary. And it is also a common sight where babies after their birth respond to their mothers very easily. Why does that happen and how? It is definitely because the babies do listen to their mother's voice everyday and they can easily relate to it.

There are various experiments carried out abroad too in this field and amazing results have come up. The people in foreign countries congratulated the presenters of papers from Manashakti Kendra during the seminars, because here this thing is catching up quickly and there are so many people willing to get benefits from it. Abroad, people hardly believe in such things or attend such classes. The workshop gave us a kit in which there were different good books for the mother to read, a prayer book from which prayer can be read to the baby welcoming him/her in this world. There is a CD of classical music which can be played and it seems babies just love soft, soothing music. There is a story book from which stories can be read out. These stories have different qualities and morale in them and are very insightful. Once the baby is born, they also have a follow-up on them and they publish the statistics of the kid. Kids who have gone through this programme are definitely different from the other kids, is what the result shows.

I would like to tell you all my personal experience too. Now I am in my 8th month. When I touch the baby and start saying my prayers, the baby stops moving around and listens carefully. From 7 pm in the evening till 8:30 pm, it is baby time at my home. I listen to Vishnu sahasranaam, then say ramraksha, maruti stotra and a few other prayers. Then I read out a story to the baby and then put on the classical music CD. By that time, I think the baby goes off to sleep very happily. She/he is so much used to this time now. I do not miss it at all and my mother-in-law also contributes equally to this. I am sure baby will respond to her also when she is out.

One of my friends remarked saying that I am giving so much pressure to the baby by making her listen to so many things which she might not be wanting to hear. I do not know if he said that jokingly or was serious, but I pitied him for saying that because he doesn't know the importance of such things as he has never tried it. Who doesn't want their kids to lead a happy life with least complications? Everybody does. I am doing my little bit and I leave it entirely to the baby what she wants to do ahead in life. People believe in god and some don't. It is exactly that way. You believe in something or you don't. I believe in it and want my baby to be happy, cheerful and content and want her to lead a fulfilling and joyous life and this ritual which I do is going to help in future too.

Being positive about this whole thing has changed me as a person over the last few months and I am sure, my baby is going to be a bundle of joy when she arrives.

Will you be my valentine?

This is a topic that ought to have been written on 14th February, on the ever-green Valentine's day which is celebrated with a great craze all over the world.

But just like as I believe there is no one particular day to celebrate love, I chose to write my thoughts on this topic today. I happened to see the movie Baghban for the nth time and couldn't help rocking at the song, where Amitabh remembers his lady love, his wifey, Hema Malini. Seeing their bond on screen has always moved me. How can people be so much in love over a period of 40 years? They look like young couple, just fallen in love and share every thing, appreciate every small things in each other. They know when the other person is lying, crying, sad, even when they are away from each other. Whoaaa! I know it is too filmy, but I am sure there are such real life couples too!

What a feeling that is! I have seen many real life couples who have spent 50 yrs with each other and they know their partners inside out. They might have fought over trivial issues all their lives and even continue to do the same in the old age, but then the love and companionship is so evident in their eyes. At that time, love marriages were not common. Parents selected the groom and the girls got married. The unfolding of relations, habits, nature commenced only after starting the life together. They might not have gone for a movie together or held hands while seeing the sunset. Doing the duties and responsibilities towards each other and the family was love for them and more important than anything else. I do not think they had an idea of what romance was! But they were together in all situations, in all walks of life, without asking questions or expecting answers. Silence was not considered as something negative, non-expression of love was common. They seemed happy with each other and spent so many wholesome years together.

Cut to 2012.

1000's of girls and boys must have celebrated Valentine's day this year. Do they even know the meaning of love? Definition of love has now changed over the time. Now even a school going kid falls in "love". Love is now replaced with under-current meaning of lust, greed and enjoyment for the moment! Most of the people who celebrated valentine's day this year would have "broken off" from their so-called girl friend or boy friend and "moved on" and will get "hooked" with someone else next year. Why has love become so shallow and short-lived? Why has it changed so much over these years?

I am not saying the entire young generation has changed. There are many couples who might have decided to take things forward and might have got married. But then again how many such marriages have reached the 10 yr mark at least? Hardly.. Our patience has gone down, we are not ready to adjust day in, day out. If things don't work out, women walk out of the marriage very easily as many of them are financially independent now and can take good care of themselves. I am not blaming women entirely for this. Men are also equally at fault. Taking their wife for granted, spending less quality with them, running after money all the time are all men's domains.

I know that the initial years of any marriage, be it love or arranged are extremely slippery and require a lot of patience and understanding on both, husband's and wife's part. Both have to invest love, time, care, concern equally. Once the base is strong, then nothing else can shake their bond and I am sure even our grandchildren will have tales of our love-story to narrate.

I do not celebrate Valentine's day, nor does my hubby. We do not even wish each other that day. But we know in our hearts that we couldn't have got better partners. In 6 years of marriage, I have now come to realize that not expressing love, not buying fancy gifts does not mean that he is not concerned or loves me less. It is a mutual feeling and it definitely shows! I have now come to terms with it!

Rather than asking him if he will be my valentine (which is the usual trend), I will tell him, he better be!

:-)